


Coffeepot

by verboseDescription



Category: Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: Icebreakers, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 13:11:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18993316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verboseDescription/pseuds/verboseDescription
Summary: “So what,” Jane says. “You want us to do trust falls?”“Hey,” Vic says, pointing an accusing finger at her. “Don’t think I won’t.”The rest of the team very wordlessly turn their heads towards Cliff, then back at Vic.





	Coffeepot

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a realllyyyyy long time ago and couldn't think of a way to end it but then i realized, sometimes stories don't have to go anywhere. sometimes they can just be a characters playing an icebreaker so thats exactly what this is

“We need to get better at working as a team,” Victor says. They’re in what could arguably be called a “debriefing,” but what could be more accurately called “a group of very tired adults sprawled across various chairs and sofas.” 

“We did good today, but we’re barely scrapping by,” Vic continues. “I don’t want us messing up because we can’t communicate.”

“So what,” Jane says. “You want us to do trust falls?”

“Hey,” Vic says, pointing an accusing finger at her. “Don’t think I won’t.”

The rest of the team very wordlessly turn their heads towards Cliff, then back at Vic.

“Okay,” Vic says. “No trust falls. But we’re doing  _ something.  _ Run some drills, do some ice breakers, whatever. _ ” _

“I’d rather do try a trust fall,” Rita tells Jane.

“It doesn’t matter what we do,” Vic groans. “We just have to find a way to get along. And maybe actually tell each other a full list of our powers? So that we have all the information we need when we’re making a plan and none of us do any stupid shit that puts us in more danger than we need to be in?”

“ _ Ohhhh _ ,” Cliff says, as if it had just occurred to him. “ _ This  _ is why we need team bonding.”

“Cliff,” Jane says. “Shut up. We’re going to do an icebreaker.”

That’s all the encouragement the others need, apparently. As soon as Jane says this, Larry and Rita both turn and look at Vic expectantly. 

“Uh, okay,” Vic says. Suddenly, he’s wondering if he can get away with asking the Grid to google icebreakers without anyone noticing. “Has anyone heard of the game Coffee Pot?”

“I don’t know any icebreakers,” Larry replies.

“I guess they don’t make you play nice in the military,” Cliff says, with a hint of pity in his voice.

“Basically you just use coffee pot in place of a specific word, and everyone has to keep guessing until they find out what it is,” Vic says. “We played this on my football team and this guy chose the word ‘see’ so he was like, ‘I coffee pot animals at the zoo,’ but you can switch up the version of the word you’re using, so he would stay stuff like, ‘I take off my watch when I go in the coffee pot,” because ‘see’ and ‘the sea’ sound the same.”

“Is this really what football players do?” Jane asks with a snort.

“My coach used to say it was okay if we hated each other, so long as we did it off the field,” Vic says. “But when we’re on the field for practice, we have to be friends, which means we’ll play as many icebreakers as he damn well likes.”

“This explains so much about you,” Cliff says.

“Shut up,” Vic says. “So, who’ll go first?”

“Well,” Rita says, as if agreeing to this physically pained her. “I suppose a bit of light word play could be fun… Very well. I love to make myself a glass of coffee pot.”

“Is it booze?” Cliff asks immediately.

“You have to say coffee pot,” Jane reminds him, uninterested. She’s fiddling with her hair.

“Is your coffee pot alcoholic?” Vic asks. Rita frowns.

“Yes, it is,” she says. “But that’s only because that’s the way I like coffee pots.”

“I’m sure we all like a good alcoholic coffee pot to get started on our day!” Jane quips, using the weird British voice she always does when she’s trying to mimic Rita.

“I rarely drink coffee pots in the morning,” Rita tells her.

“I know,” Larry reassures her. “You only like drinking coffee pots outside.”

“Exactly!” Rita beams. “It’s so nice to drink coffee pots in the sun.”

“It’s lemonade,” Jane says.

“Correct.”

“Oh, oh!” Cliff starts waving his hands. “Can I go next?”

“Are you just going to make the word ‘fuck?”’ Vic asks skeptically.

“No…,” Cliff says, slowly lowering his hands. “I mean, not now. Promise.”

“Okay,” Vic says. “In the spirit of bonding, I’ll choose to believe that.”

“I just wanted to say,” Cliff says, tone slightly lecherous. “That the Chief has a  _ lot  _ of secret stashes of coffee pots around here. It’s like he doesn’t want us to know how much he  _ needs  _ some coffee pots. I found a drawer full of them, but they were hidden under a book. He’s got a problem, and he doesn’t want us to know. He just  _ needs _ to put those fucking coffee pots in his mouth.”

Rita walks over to him and smacks him on the shoulder before going to sit beside Larry.

“Boy, you were really dying to make a sex joke, huh?” Jane comments, but her mouth is twitching into a smile.

“Can we ban him from this?” Larry asks. “Can we turn off his voice box?”

“Cliff,” Vic says. “Would it kill you to be normal for five seconds.”

“My coffee pot won’t let me,” Cliff informs him. Larry lets out a surprised laugh.

“Is it because your coffee pot got attacked by a rat?” he asks.

“Oh, my coffee pot already recovered from that mess!” Cliff tells him. “Nope, I guess I’ve just always had my coffee pot in the gutter.”

Larry snorts.

“I don’t think it’s in the gutter,” Jane says. “I think you’re just missing half a coffee pot.”

Rita covers her mouth to keep from laughing.

“I think,” Cliff says. “I’m just playing the game the way it was meant to. You played this in high school, right? This was  _ definitely  _ not the first time you heard one of those jokes.”

“The last time I played, a guy picked a, uh, certain word for a male chicken,” Vic admits with a sigh.

“Guy can’t stop thinking about his coffee pot,” Cliff says gleefully. 

“That’s all men ever think about,” Rita sighs. “They all think they have the best coffee pot in the world.”

Cliff and Jane both wheeze with laughter.

“Please don’t stoop to their level,” Larry tells Rita. Rita frowns at him.

“I think I’m still leagues above that,” she says. “But it never hurts to indulge every once in a way.”

“Say it Larry,” Cliff begs. “Let’s talk about your coffee pot.”

“You want my coffee pot?” Larry asks.

“Yes!” Cliff says immediately. “Wait. No, I mean—”

Jane’s laughing again, but Vic’s pretty sure it’s actually Hammerhead. He could appreciate this specific instance of her sense of humor.

“Is that why you’re like this?” Hammerhead teases. “Trying to find an excuse to bring up Larry’s  _ coffee pot?” _

“Oh, that’s a lot less fun when someone else does it,” Cliff mutters.

“You’re all terrible,” Vic says. There’s no heat to his words. “A group of adults, and we can’t even get through a simple game?”

“We got distracted,” Larry says with a shrug.

“ _ You guys  _ were too busy thinking about coffee pots,” Hammerhead says accusingly. “Me, I think I’m more of a hard cider kind of girl.”

"Surely you can think of a more yonic metaphor than that," Rita scolds her.

"Is this really who we are as a team?" Vic laughs.

"Looks like," Larry agrees. "Sorry, but I think you're stuck with us."


End file.
